Getting bigger, buying shit products and brassy bleached hair

This post is about three things:

  1. Dealing with clothes when your size keeps changing. 
  2. Dealing with buying shit products which you knew were shit when you bought them.
  3. Dealing with keeping your bleached hair non-brassy.

Dealing with clothes when your size keeps changing.

I'm still hoping to get back into a gym routine. (My personal trainer shut down his gym and disappeared - and announced it on Instagram only and then never returned any of my texts so that was fun). I've reached out to some new trainers but I'm still stress eating and kinda uncomfortable and outgrew like, most of my denim. Which is just annoying. I would like to be stronger, have more energy and ability to walk at a decent pace and fit into the stuff I used to. Since I dealt with gastroparesis in 2014 my weight has had a yo-yo trajectory - first due to the illness but then, after recovery, mostly due to my habits. It is clear my metabolism has changed. It could also be that I'm in my forties. 

From a clothing perspective, I kept trying to wear denim because that's what signals comfort for me. Except it wasn't. Because it didn't fit. So now I'm having to go through my closet again to figure out what fits and what doesn't. I refuse to be uncomfortable but I also hate having to figure out what fits on a daily basis so I'll just try everything on in one day and put all the stuff that doesn't fit in a drawer for later. How much later? Don't know. Most importantly I won't be dealing with "does this fit or not?" every morning any longer. Which will be awesome.

I was low on clean laundry (always) but was happy to figure out this skirt still fits. 

jacket - emergency buy in SF when I didn't pack a jacket
skirt - some thrift store
shoes - one of two pairs of Crocs I bought as rain and shelter shoes

Dealing with buying shit products which you knew were shit when you bought them.

Am I embarrassed that I bought Crocs? For style reasons, maybe. For ethical reasons? Yes. But I had a shelter visit coming up and I'd already trashed so many pairs of fabric sneakers due to fears of potential ringworm exposure on shoes I couldn't disinfect that I just wanted something I could clean reliably and not throw out. (Or, you know, for when I harbor a litter of kittens who have not been vetted yet and need to wear dedicated shoes in and out of my one and only bathroom.)

Given the need for shoes I could disinfect, I headed over to the Crocs store to get some the Crocs version of slip-on Vans to wear for work quarantine area shelter visits. When I was at the Crocs store I saw the flats and thought they'd be decent rain flats since my Keep sneakers in faux nubuck this round have been completely useless as rain shoes. (At this point I give up on any Keep shoes that are not canvas -- the new grip-sole water resistant Gourmands don't stretch, are really uncomfortable and water gets in them. I see they now note to order a half a size up but I didn't have that info when they came out, so that's $60 in the garbage.)

More on Crocs here:
- Rank a brand: Don't Buy rating 
- Mentioned in this 2014 article on Ciyu Shoe Factory labor but not clear it was Crocs directive
- Crocs 2016 statement published pursuant to the Modern Slavery Act 2015
- Crocs current page on Code of Conduct 

Speaking of plastic shoes, would it have been better if I sought out some Melissa shoes? Melissa has better eco and labor standards and I've had a few pairs but eventually gave up on them. They all managed to decrease in comfort over time and I just couldn't deal with them. They don't make much with comfort in mind and I walk a ton. They also note everything can be recycled but don't note where -- and there is no NYC recycling option for them. And I asked at the NYC store. When I was there the store didn't even take them back. Like, even for show! They were like, oh just put them in recycling without any idea of what NYC recycling actually takes. 

In summary, hopefully the Crocs get a lot of functional use (and they have so far) to help even out how horrible they are in general. 

Dealing with keeping your bleached hair non-brassy.

Over in the category of "beauty" I've been trying to find something to remove the brassiness of my highlights. I can usually get about 2 weeks in after my highlights are done before they start to yellow. I already use Lush's Daddy-O purple shampoo and the previously-vegan Pravana's Perfect Blonde masque but they don't do much. Given that Daddy-O does nothing and comes in a plastic bottle, I'll go back to using my Lush bar shampoo instead at this point. 

I ordered Overtone's pastel silver deep conditioner and it makes a big difference. I tested it for the recommended time (10-15 mins) and ended up with the below - it's a difference but not super saturated. You can see it's more cool tones on the left and still white-yellow on the right. (The photo is overexposed a bit.) But then I did my whole head with it on for a while. Maybe 40 minutes, covered, on a hot day -- and that's the result in the first picture in this post. It's a purple-based cool gray and where I managed to apply it correctly it did remove all brassiness. SOLD. 

Just in time, too, as Pravana is not indicating that Perfect Blonde masque is vegan at this point. The packaging I have from my previous 2 tubes says 100% vegan. The new packaging online doesn't - and it sounds like people over on the Facebook group For the Love of Vegan Makeup got word from Pravana that only one line of theirs is vegan, and it's not the Perfect Blonde line. Overtone is a vegan, non-animal testing company and they seem like all-around good people

So, there you have it. 


  1. Blankety-blank blank personal trainer. Infuriating.

    "Try everything on in one day" is a great strategy. Also, "try things on before major events, just to be safe."

    For me, denim is not half as comfy as advertised, not even stretch denim. Cotton leggings, on the other hand, are like wearing a cloud for me, and they stretch to fit every curve, rather than bunching up around my crotch or knees. I have a denim jacket, but may never attempt jeans again. Especially since my weight fluctuates most obviously from the waist down, and I don't want waistbands digging into my stomach.

    Thanks for the "Rank a Brand" link. I checked a few of my German options.

    Glad you've found a purple toner/conditioner than works for you!

    1. Comfort is king! I think if I had more things that covered the top of leggings and didn't bunch up (cotton on cotton), I'd wear leggings more. Now that it's summer, I'll probalby wear dresses more often (though I'm wearing jeans again today).

      I sort of expected that level of customer service from my former trainer. He was a good trainer but had a lot of businesses that folded and disappeared so it's not totally unexpected. I did think I would have used up more of my package by now but I got waylaid a few times so oh well. I am not sure I have it in me to do small claims court because it's just so much time and energy.

    2. "I am not sure I have it in me to do small claims court because it's just so much time and energy."

      Totally get that. I wouldn't go through all that conflict and irritation for less than.... a jillion skillion dollars, maybe?

      Is there a way to protect other potential victims from this guy without it eating up all your time and energy?

  2. I have had Melissa shoes in the past and found them quite uncomfortable to wear too. Those kitties are so cute!


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