5 Ethical Style Things I Did This Month: April

I cannot, in good faith, say I've been all that great in April. My spending kind of went on unchecked after vacation. Maybe before? Who can recall? Part of my justification was that I am still a bigger size and half my wardrobe is useless. But how I find this out is that I randomly try something on, it fits or it doesn't -- and if dares to not $#@$# fit, I go into a pissed-off buying spree of "Treat yo' self"-ing. (Except the "fine leather goods" and "MIM-oh-sahs" parts.) So, I basically need to be cut off for a little while. Gretchen Rubin goes into this whole spiel about moderators or abstainers and knowing which you are so you can better manage yourself. I'm a $%#@$@#$ abstainer. Cut me off so I know I'm cut off.

5 Ethical Style Things I Did in April:

1) I took this black jersey infinity scarf from my friend S at the Vegan Ladies Clothing Swap we did last month or so...but I didn't realize it was an infinity scarf. I hate them. But I realized that since this was jersey (unlike all my other infinity scarves), I could actually just cut this one open and make it one big long, wide comfy black scarf. Since then I've got a lot of use of of it. So, re-use and adjusting something so it's usable. Check and check.


2) I finally just dropped off 5 things at the tailor. I'm having 2 tunics cut into shirts because baby got back. And the back doesn't fit into the tunics any more! But as shirts I will still be able to wear them. This will hopefully make more of my wardrobe usable. I should walk out with 3 dresses and 2 shirts. I'm glad that instead of getting rid of stuff that didn't fit my butt, I just made it fit what I look like now.

3) I liked the colors of this scarf (picture below) but not the style and I finally broke down and put it in my discards pile even though I really really like the blue on it (which is more of a dark robin's egg blue in real life.) But then I realized I could still enjoy it without wearing it if I gave it to the cats as a blanket in one of their baskets. So, Olivia is getting use out of it now. The excellent thing is that it doesn't really collect cat hair (it's one of those fake "silk" poly pashminas I bought on the streets of NYC when I was freezing) so it's kind of perfect for the cats. So, re-use and adjusting something so it's usable. Check and check.


4) I cut myself off. For a month at least. I can't buy anything else until June. (This is 5 year-old me crying at my birthday party when I told my moms it was cool to give out the extra party favors but 30 seconds later had a meltdown because I really really wanted that pack of Old Maid cards that I just said she could give away. Yeah. It started early with me.) I'm a ridiculous baby for having to do this but OH WELL. It is what it is. I'm a giant 40 year-old baby who is not allowed to buy any clothes or makeup until June.

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5) I actually used freebie swag. I had some animal welfare swag foisted on me (sunglasses!) but they are neon green. I figured I'd pass them on to someone else but with the new lilac streak (which is there to help me grow in the rest of my hair salt & pepper - freedom!), they actually kind of work. They're still ridiculous but now passable -- and now I don't need to pass them on to some poor sucker someone else. (I swear my hair doesn't look like that all the time - this was after a long day. I do like, wash it and stuff.)



  1. So many thoughts!

    1) Using the scarf as a cat blanket/decor item is brilliant.

    2) You're not a ridiculous baby for needing clear limits; that's everyone. I've been struggling to shop less, and usually failing. I'm an abstainer too, but I don't want to abstain. I want everything! EVERYTHING! -sobs brokenly-

    3) ...when I'm not abstaining from shopping, making myself shop in priority order helps me a lot; I may want to buy earrings, but desperately need pants, so I make myself buy pants first. Fixing the biggest holes in my wardrobe first has made the whole thing more functional--- in the past I'd generally buy jewelry first because Etsy's great and jewelry always fits. Eventually, I realized that my wonderful, handcrafted jewelry would go unnoticed when worn with my dowdy, ill-fitting, dated clothes.

    4) Salt and pepper hair is the world's finest hair. My mom's hair is uniformly salt-and-brown. So cool, and it adds a little visual texture to every outfit. The lilac suits you!

    5) Thank you for being so frank about your weight fluctuations and practical solutions, and not making weight changes sound like the end of the world or the meaning of life.

    I've been experimenting with antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. (Yippee!) The first drug I was prescribed didn't help my depression, but one of the side effects was appetite suppression; I lost weight quickly and easily. Then... I switched meds. The new med was also an appetite stimulant, so I suddenly gained back all the weight I'd lost and more. Knowing your story helped me feel more relaxed and philosophical about the reality of changing bodies and wardrobe frustrations.

    While my weight was low, I bought some clothes for my new job. A month or so later, I went out of town for job training, and packed my new work clothes... without trying them on first. I'd grown! So I found myself in a different city, in a stressful professional setting, wearing clothes that fit tighter than my skin. Awful. There were a couple of days I wore the jeans and ratty sweater I'd packed to wear after training, because those were the only things that still fit.

    Now that I know how quickly my body can change, I shop with various Future Bodies in mind; maybe I'll go back to my old size, maybe this is the new normal.

    1. Thank you for all of those thoughts! I am totally the same way - I want it ALL. As soon as I posted this I was pissed at myself that I didn't get the Mary Meyer midi dress or the Everlane black spring structured t-shirt I'm waitlisted for FIRST before I posted this.

      The size thing is definitely frustrating. That job training situation is my worst nightmare! Before vaca and work travel I tried everything on since I thankfully know things that used to fit can suddenly no longer fit. It's like being gaslit by your own closet!

      I hear you re the meds. I think my weight gain was because my metabolism got messed up when I was sick and at the same time I was essentially tasked with force-feeding myself! I am currently on an SSRI because my gut messed with my serotonin (which thankfully my drs knew and told me) and I'm just now coming off of it (you have to be physically well for 6 months) but I don't think it's messed with my appetite or weight gain so I think this is all metabolism. I found

    2. oops...I found it actually helpful for the little low-grade depression I had so hopefully you find yours helpful as well. I'm curious as to what will pop back up again once I'm totally off of it. Gotta stop reading current events news.

  2. Interesting about the moderator / abstainer thing. I think I am definitely an abstainer with some things (alcohol for sure) but with food I get too deprived feeling when on a strict diet. I am trying to not care as much in terms of food and just maintain w/ exercise and allow a mix of diet days and cheaty days and so far I am OK with it, body wise. This has allowed me to do less thrifting over past year too because I've basically got everything thing I need size / season wise.
    Every once in a while I will get an urge to see what is out there but more and more I end up not bringing anything home. Really would like a couple tunic length tank tops possibly with shelf bras for summer though so may have to break down and buy those new somewhere.

    I am curious about the violet streak, is it so you can grow out previously colored hair / roots? I haven't colored my hair in a long time and def. not since I started seeing my salt & pepper coming in, but have thought a color streak might be fun at times. Except I don't want to color my already gray bits... I don't know, to keep them virgin or something? But seeing yours makes me think well what would it hurt? *ponders*

    1. Oops my comment below was a reply to you! xo

  3. I think it's really hard to be an abstainer with food because you really can't abstain - you have to moderate in some way no matter what. I mean, you can say "I don't eat sugar" and leave that out but if I'm just planning on eating well, it's like my need to have to think about what that means and make daily choices that throws me off. With alcohol, I just don't drink alcohol. With food, it's more that I just want more of whatever I'm having. Same thing with shopping. I'll take it ALL, please! I think not going to stores helps a lot with shopping. I find that when I haven't purchased anything recently, I'm less like to do so. If I HAVE, I'm more likely to do so. So I have to cut the cord! Minds! Why are they so sneaky and weird?!

    The violet streak was so I could grow in the rest of my hair (which was dyed brown demi-perm). It's more of a distraction so you don't noticed the margin of now 2" salt & pepper roots that are coming in. Also since there is now silver in with my brown, it's no longer just warm tones but cool tones together so I wanted something in a cool tone to help "blend" that white in color-wise. I plan to have the lilac streak for at least 6 months while the rest of my hair grows in. The streak is also where I have most of the white - so it was a way to make that look a little more visually interesting and intentional. I did have the stylist lighten my (color treated) hair twice to a white blonde so we could add in the lilac so that was a pain.


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