5.07.2014

Real Talk - I'm pretty sick

I feel like I should at least mention here that I've become pretty sick in the past month or so.  Longer, really since I have been having mild stomach issues since November that just got progressively worse.  The stomach issues I mentioned back here have been on-going and I've been to both a general practitioner and now a gastroenterologist.  Unfortunately I haven't made it to a diagnosis yet but I'm hoping to know something within the next 10 days, once my results are back.

Part of my mystery illness prohibits me from being hungry almost ever and I feel nauseous when I do eat a few bites.  Needless to say, this makes my daily focus on getting enough calories in myself so I don't literally starve my body and it's easier said than done.  Every bite seems to be a battle, which is a stark contrast to before when I was a person who really loved food.  I would really like to be that person again.  Starving your body against your own will is pretty shitty.  I don't ever feel well and I rarely have the energy to do much.  I worry about never getting better all the damn time. 

That is why I'm behind on all my 2014 Challenges and why I've been posting less.  I was hoping to not mention it except for the last post a month ago but first of all, I feel like I need to share for the people who are going through similar things and secondly, I figured I owed it to explain why most of my self-given assignments are not coming to fruition.

I hope with every single fiber of my being that I get some relief soon and I have a new respect for people who deal with chronic illness daily.  It's been amazing how buoyed I've been by people's well-wishes and messages and notes (and even shared stories of similar issues, unfortunately) so if you know someone who is going through similar stuff, please don't forget to reach out to them.  Even if you don't know what to say.  Just "Hey, thinking of you" is good enough often times. 

Hope you are all well!  And I hope to be back to myself soon!

J

30 comments:

  1. I hope that you get those test results quickly and that the underlying issues are not serious. Nausea and fatigue are pretty soul-sapping, so let the healing commence! Hang in the there and know that you have readers/ supporters sending you some loving vibes.

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    1. Thank you very much! I am definitely accepting all loving vibes and they are very much appreciated!

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  2. I'm sorry to hear that. As you may remember, I have celiac disease, and it took me a long time to reach diagnosis. I still remember how sick I felt for years and how I felt I would have given up /anything/ towards the end to feel better, and how grateful I was that I /only/ had to give up wheat. I hope you find your diagnosis and that you are able to feel better soon.

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    1. I do remember that! I can't imagine how that must have felt - how defeating and depressing it must have been. I am hoping for a similar diet-change as my treatment, where it can be a simple fix! It really blows my mind how GI diagnoses are really a string of deductions that you hope land you with the right diagnosis and treatment.

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  3. Sympathetic and devoted reader here! I hope the doctors figure out what's going on soon, to get you back to feeling like yourself. Wishing you all the best.

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  4. Oh no! I am really sorry to hear about your illness. I am glad that you have a supportive network and I am hoping that your doctors can come with a diagnoses soon.
    When I was studying for my preliminary exams in grad school, I came down with horrible GI symptoms. Eating gave me debilitating cramps and the medicine they prescribed made me nauseous and sicker. They told me it was IBS, which tells you what it is not, and then told me to "relax more."

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    1. Hey lady! First of all, I'm embarrassed that I haven't met up with you yet and I've never even met your baby! Thank you for the well wishes! I think the meds they gave me also made me feel worse (I was on antibiotics for small intestine bacteria, which was fine but then was put on a PPI, which I think just shut my stomach down). It's really crazy how their diagnosis protocol is really process of elimination and much less confirmed than I would have thought for a lot of these things!

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  5. I'm very sorry to read this. I hope you get some helpful and reassuring answers with those test results and that things start improving post haste.

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  6. oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear that you are not doing well. I wish you that you have a diagnosis soon, with which you can deal then and start an appropriate therapy. In addition to the pain, the uncertainty is certainly terrible. I still remember how my husband has been in a similar situation a few years ago. He then had serious problems with his leg. After several medical examinations and 3 different doctors, he finally after 3 months got a diagnosis. The time in between was very hard for both of us. In the end everything turned out well.

    I hope that you will be fine again soon! Thinking of you! Sabine

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    1. That sounds really horrible, Sabine. I'm sorry you both had to deal with that but I'm glad it turned out well. The not-knowing and reduced faith in the medical community is really challenging! Thanks for the well wishes!

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  7. I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon, and just as importantly I hope you find out the cause of your illness soon. I know exactly what it's like to fall pray to a mystery illness. When we had mold in our house, I was sick for about two and a 1/2 years straight and didn't know what to do about it, thinking all of the worst things. I got lucky, and I hope that you do too, that it's something that has a simple solution, that you get to improve fast and eat many delicious foods and gain weight soon. Please keep us posted if you can and know that I'm adding you to my prayers and thinking good healing thoughts for you. Take good care and get better.

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    1. I absolutely remember when you were dealing with the mold. And I was amazed that it ended up being something like mold making you that sick after all. I agree - I'm also hoping for a simple solution, too! Thank you for the prayers and healing thoughts, lady!

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  8. Hell's bells. I'm so, so sorry you're going through this mess, and I hope it'll get worlds better very soon. Until then, don't fret about blogging! We're not going anywhere, and you need to be gentle with yourself.

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    1. Thanks, Rebekah! I'm trying to at least keep up a tiny bit here (or at least with blog-reading) because it proves to be a necessary distraction when I can summon the brain cells to be interested in non-digestion subject matter. Thank you for the reminder re being gentle to myself - I tend to get angry that my body doesn't do what I want it to do (get well!) and it's more of a mental fight than acceptance and self-care.

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  9. I went through a phase after a particularly-stressful phase in college where food and I didn't get along and I got very thin as a result. Any time our relationship with food is shaken, it's HARD. I hope you get good info and can move forward soon. Until then, cat photos on IG are totally good. Best to you!

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    1. Thanks very much, Rebecca! Agreed! I feel so disappointed and shaken that my relationship with food - the very thing that helps me survive - is now really compromised. Thanks for the well-wishes and I'm sorry you had to deal with similar issues!

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  10. Oh Jesse. I'm so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself. I hope you find the diagnosis soon. When I saw you in NY, my dad was just recovering from a stomach problem he'd dealt with for over two years. I know (secondhand) how much a health change can affect a person. He's finally better, and I hope you find health quickly.

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    1. Thanks, Jean! I had no idea your dad was going through that. Two years! That seems nearly impossible to me. People's resiliency and drive is so astounding - but I also guess when we have no other choice but to deal with it means we have to be. I'm glad your dad is feeling better still! And hopefully I'll follow soon!

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    2. My prayers are with you, my dear Jesse! You are such a kind and loving person (as well as beautiful), it makes me very sad to know what you are going through.

      As Jean mentioned, her dad had serious stomach problems for over two years and I don't know how he got through it. It was horrible seeing him suffer and we are so thankful that he is fine now.

      I hope you will find out the cause and better still the solution of this illness. You already mentioned the foods I was going to suggest: nuts, avocados, mashed potatoes. A healthy plant-based diet is the best for the body!

      I hope you will be better soon!

      ♥ carmen

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  11. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope that you get a diagnosis sorted soon and that you can start feeling more like yourself soon. I agree that don't worry about blogging, we will all still be here when you are feeling better. Sending sympathy from across the ocean. Take care of yourself.

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  12. I'm really sorry to read this, I hope you get a diagnosis soon and that you can start to feel better soon. I agree that don't worry about blogging, we will all still be here. Sending you sympathy from across the ocean, take care of yourself.

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  13. Oh man, I hope you find something out! What about smoothies or "juicing" type meals? Do those go down better? Keep us posted & feel better vibes your way.

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    1. Thanks, Sandra! I do smoothies sometimes and they work better than solid food sometimes. I'm hesitant to lean on them too much because I want to make sure my body understands solid food still, too and because I think a full day of calories via liquid might also be hard to consume. But I definitely use them almost daily!

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  14. I'm so sorry, Jesse. Sending you good thoughts!

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  15. Fingers crossed for you Jess that all is well soon, and that you know more about it soon too.
    Thinking of you
    x

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  16. Hey Jess, it's been a while but I just wanted to drop a line and say that I hope that you find out what's been ailing you soon and that you make a swift recovery!
    -Jen

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